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    September 19

    失语症

    工作后,我承认我的强迫症愈发明显,到了有时主动或被劝着考虑过去看医生的地步;
    但我觉得问题更严重的应该是失语症。
    曾经,我觉得我在大学的四年里练就了挺厚脸皮又很无耻无赖地讲话;
    后来,发觉工作了后,更多是大脑的停顿。
    有时会叫错了人;有时会想着这个东西,却说不出来;
    再有时,就会拿起电话,不知如何回应对方,唯一的答复,就是大段的空白。
     
    北京接连一个月的周末戒严
    这个周五因为戒严,大部分公司放假半天,中午的地铁就像高峰期的1号线,人挤人,人贴人,人摸人。
    倒也好,得闲半日,有假总好过没假,哪怕都是待着。
    接到西安的一个电话,说是刚到北京,问问情况
    我们想去王府井---戒严了
    啊,戒严了,不坐车可以吗?---不行
    那去西单呢?---一样
    那周六早上去看升旗呢?---还戒严
    那北京还有什么玩的?---挺多的
    说实话,我本来就已经有点空白了,等听到了“升旗”后,我就更木然了,或许多是为强烈的爱国情操震撼吧。
     
    如果要回答工作与上学的不同,
    我想,多半就是因为人吧
    上学的时候,七八个,有时上十个的人挤在20平米的空间里,多盼望的是少点人,再少点声音
    工作了以后,一个人待在再小的空间里,就多盼望的是多点人,再多点声音,有时,就多一个电话足矣
    我并不是多么莫须有的空虚和寂寞或者是冷
    只是有时很想念某种曾经的感觉
    然而,见到了人,又不知道该怎么表达,大脑就一片空白
    如同上次喝多了酒后,我拉着星同学讲,这种感觉最好了,可是,一直拉着,我也只知道重复这一句。
     
    晚上万MM约去参加一个OPEN PARTY
    我想了想,我惧怕的不是这个PARTY有多么OPEN,所以拒绝了
    万MM问为何不去
    我答曰,因为我实在害怕看到太多的人
    见到人多,大脑就一片空白。
     
     

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    跑 跑wrote:
    哇塞,为什么看起来这么sad呃
    Sept. 21

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